I wet the bed

“I pee in the bed.”

So confesses L. who is recently 10 years old and comes to me with an attention/ concentration as well as behavioral difficulty.

*"I know you could go to the bathroom by yourself but maybe you're asleep and you don't wake up in time? Or is there another reason?”

- “I'm awake but I don't want to go to the bathroom because I'm afraid.”

*“now I understand, and of what?”

- “I'm afraid of monsters.”

*“Monsters are usually very scary it's true, mine were also very scary”

- “Really?”

*“Yes of course, and what are yours like? I would be curious to meet them...do you want to draw them for me?”

He begins the drawing and then tells:

- “he is ( pronounces an unintelligible name) and he is always fighting you see he has blood on his nails and the 'other one is his enemy...he is also very bad.”

*“You know I don't know if monsters are really bad, maybe they are very angry is different.”

A bit of silence follows...then he continues, “maybe they're as angry as I am.”

*“Maybe they are,and why are you angry?”

-“ I get angry when none of my teammates want to play with me and then I push them, and then everyone blames me.”

*"That's a good example, you should know that you're not bad either...you're angry. So what could we do with these two monsters?”

- “Let's make them FRIENDS.”

*“ That's a great idea L.”

L. goes to pee at night in the bathroom and the monsters are no longer scary, and who knows, in time he will also stop “ disturbing” his classmates.

Denying the 'existence of a monster or a fear does not take us far, bringing it up teaches that monsters exist ( good riddance!) and that defeating them does not make us different from what we think they are (bad):reacting with anger to anger only leads to more anger. It is only by befriending them that we discover how they are actually not too different from us, in fact they are parts of us that if placed in the light are the little lamp that helps us get through the darkness to go to the bathroom to pee at age 10 (and those darknesses that at every age will inevitably come) and at the same time, to rid us of that equally visceral burden of “being bad.”©️